MoSneaky Fantasy Football Online Magazine » 8 Simple Rules…(response)

8 Simple Rules…(response)

14 May, 2007 Humor / Oddity

The following article was written and submitted to us by one of our viewers.
The article was written as a response to a staff written article titled
“8 Simple Rules For Pleasing Your Man (On Sunday)” N. Ford (Feminist Specialist).

You know I am sure I speak on behalf of millions of women when I say I am sick and tired of articles on how to please my man. What disturbs me the most are the articles like ‘8 Simple Rules for Pleasing Your Man’ that are supposed to be centered around Fantasy Football however five of the eight rules involve.well you guessed it, sex. Funny, I thought we were talking about football. Articles such as this just go to show why men are viewed as Neanderthals and why the divorce rate is about 50%; men think all things revolve around the blowjob. They can’t even separate football, the most important thing to a man next to the birth of their children, from the blowjob.

You see, I’ve been mislead all these years. I thought football was about the feeling you get when your team gets a touchdown with 20 seconds left on the clock in the forth quarter or when your fantasy football quarterback throws for five touchdowns. I guess I just didn’t realize that football, like everything else to a man, centers on oral sex and bowl of queso.

I particularly like the line ‘men just want one day a week where they don’t have to worry about any of the bullshit that life is constantly shoving down their throats’ because you see gentlemen women don’t get a day like this ever. While you’re watching football on a Sunday afternoon who’s watching the kids? Oh that’s right, it’s the women. So on our day off in between the numerous blowjobs you expect, the compliments you need to boost your delicate egos, the food you’d like me to make, the role playing I should participate in, and the talking dirty, I have to clean a house, grocery shop, prepare for a work week and watch the children. But dare I interrupt your sacred day of football to help with any of this. It seems I am only allowed to acknowledge you if my head is between your legs, while holding a bucket of chicken and wearing a chamber maid’s outfit.

A long time ago I gave up on the notion that as a girlfriend or a wife I will ever be able to compete with such things as bachelor parties and football and I do appreciate the fact that my man bonds with his friends on the holiest of days all centered around a bunch of men in tights striving to be the one that wraps his hands around something other than ‘big fantastic billowing breasts’. Hell, I’m just glad to see that he can bond with anything other than the remote control and the hand he jacks off with. So I do not have complete disdain for the sport. As a matter of fact I enjoy football myself. What’s not to like. Men in excellent physical condition with muscles bulging from their jerseys and asses I’d like to lick ice cream off of oh but that’s right, I have my man who sits on the couch wearing grease-stained, moldy sweatpants. Yea, I can’t wait to blow him.

Against my better judgment, I am going to let all you men out there in on a little secret. While your watching football for the comradery and the competitiveness of the sport, your wives and girlfriends are dreaming of Brett Favres’ hands all over them because let’s face it, you lost the directions to my clitoris a long time ago and well that beer belly isn’t so cute anymore.

So I have compiled a list of 8 simple rules for pleasing your woman (on Sunday)

1. Let us fantasize
That’s right. Don’t ask me to grab you another beer from the refrigerator because you see, I am imagining myself getting spanked by one or more of the Dallas Cowboys.

2. Keep it down
All the cheering is great but keep the noise to a minimal level after all, I am still fantasizing about Brett Favre and I can’t concentrate with all that yelling.

3. Role Play
I stole this one from you oh great writer of 8 Simple Rules for Pleasing Your Man.let’s pretend you’re Brett Favre. Granted, you can’t even see your dick because your stomach hangs so low but I will just close my eyes. Better yet, let’s just pretend you’re not here at all!

4. Blow jobs
Here’s an idea, why don’t you get on YOUR knees and show me some love without using a handbook. Why don’t you read up on it by Sunday so when the game starts, not only will you know where to find the TV Guide, you’ll know where to find my clitoris.

5. Beer Me
Yes, that’s right, get up off your lazy ass and hand me a cold one.

6. Clean Up
Hell, we don’t care if tear the house apart, throw up on the carpet or spill beer on the expensive couch, just clean up after yourself. We’re tired of doing it.

7. Give Us Space
We would love for you to lose yourself in football and have ‘your one day of space’ hell take two or three days of space.

8. Blow jobs
You know after reading your piece on the importance of the blow job in a relationship I tend to agree it does need to be brought up twice. So get down on your knees and start licking! And remember be very quiet about it, I am still fantasizing about someone else.