MoSneaky Fantasy Football Online Magazine

Fantasy vs Reality

14 May, 2007 Humor / Oddity

N. Ford As far as I can remember, there has been a vicious clash between the realms of fantasy and reality. Dungeons & Dragons was the culprit for every instance of devil worship and the storing of human

parts in one’s freezer. Obese nerds everywhere raised their +5 longswords of dwarf-slaying in protest, while their plastic-fantastic, buttondown parents continued paying their rent and praying to the invisible man upstairs that their kids would turn out normal. The battle lines were drawn. No quarter was asked. None was given.

Now, it seems that war is once again at our doorstep. Distant drums shake the office watercooler. Those misaligned sociopaths are once again up to their old tricks. And you thought it was mere coincidence that Fantasy Football has grown by leaps and bounds every year? Nay, it is but another turn in the tide of this undying feud. A turn that would surely give the nerds the upper hand. For, after the undeniable success of “The Lord of the Rings” and Matrix movies, and the rise of fantasy sports, great sorcerers foretold the end of rationality…

All the realists’ petty threats had been dealt with: the schoolyard brainwashing that the “right” thing to do is to get educated and get a “real job”, the outrageous prices on quality pornography, and the near extinction of gnomes and unicorns. But in the shining hour of geek victory, the realists unleased their secret weapon. And a dreadful weapon it was. Reality television. How could the soothsayers have been so blind as to ignore this possibility? A terrible folly, indeed…

The nerds were dealt a heavy blow, by this turn of events. Television, which was once their greatest boon, had been usurped by the cruel face of reality. Reality video games, such as “The Sims” reared their ugly head. Something died deep within the dork heart, that day. Hope. But the nerds rallied behind an onslaught of Harry Potter. And so, yet again, it seems that the fight is on.

So I say to you, friends, that the time for picking sides is upon us. It is no longer an option to stand idle, and wait for a resolution. Name thyself: mythic crusader or obectivist. Will you sharpen your axe and don shining battle plate, or will you take up briefcase and silken tie as your raiment? Will you immerse yourself in the statistical augury which is fantasy football, or will you spit in the dirt at the thought?

As for myself? I must make haste to the land of free internet porn. The last, greatest hope for humanity, as it stands.