MoSneaky Fantasy Football Online Magazine » T. Francis’ Week 3 Starters

T. Francis’ Week 3 Starters

14 May, 2007 Humor / Oddity

We here at MoSneaky have just recently received word from one of our prodigal sons. Our very own T. Francis has contacted us, many months after disappearing into the wild. What we first thought to be a report on his whereabouts turned quickly into a Tour de Force in weekly Fantasy Football starting lineup submission.
Begin transmission.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,

It has been some time since I last addressed you as a collective unit, and I apologize for this unfortunate delay. If my conspirators had their way, I would remain locked in this cage for eternity. Fortunately, their continual underestimation of my cunning affords me certain liberties that the average man of the forest would never be granted. Just yesterday, when the guards went on smoke break, I tempted a panda with a handful of nibs. He was immediately intrigued by my tale, so much so that he agreed to share my bedside for a handful more. Indeed, our ranks grow stronger by the day.

Have I told you of Clay, the boy from the village? A week ago he perished needlessly in an accident of my own devising. As you might recall, my last pamphlet called for the ingestion of gun powder so that we may become STRONG. In an attempt at village humor, I remarked that the earnest Clay might earn his seat at my bedside sooner if he were to literalize that metaphor. Much to my surprise he complied, exploding his frail, robotic chassis into a thousand shards of exhausted potential. Alas, it would seem my bloodlust is as boundless as my ego.

Did you receive the orders that I sent with Herman? I worry that the old man strayed somewhere near the BOUNDARY, as his cloak and ascott were recovered by DRUIDS IN THE KNOW. For the sake of certainty, I shall repeat Herman’s orders below:

Despite his recent anemia, I intend to start Hasselbeck this week. My scouts at the border inform me that a battalion of wizards has assembled on the coast, and that their leader is yet to be appointed. Could it be that Hasselbeck is their man? The great Edgerrin is a tentative start, as his hamstring and constitution remain questionable. I am told that a healer has been summoned, but the forecast remains unclear. Master Westbrook shall continue his duties as planned. He is too valuable for the movement to be discounted on the basis of scoring. Recall the Book of Cody: “And I shall turn my cheek and toucheth weirds, flex my neck and cross the streams, shake my hip and do the math, for Sherm he cannot hurt me.”
My exploration of Chris and his many Chambers shall also continue in week three. The Shankari’s find this decision amusing (they are laughing as I dictate this) but they may have spoken too soon. On a recent visit to THE BORDER, I sought counsel with a mechaDude who aspires to much the same doctrine as I. I was tickled by our initial agreement, but outright delighted by the emergence of his rumored mechaBone, whose mighty head twitched with excitement at the very mention of Chris’s Chambers. Terrell shall accompany him on this quest.
If it is true that all moments are the end of something, then let Bubba be the end of tightness, as his bold and surefire strokes are the carvings of blind genius. Denver’s defense and a man named Kasey shall stand in his shadow, calmly awaiting my signal. When the Pegasus weeps, it pours, and so it is with most things. Let scoring flow from the mighty beast’s eyes, so that we may whip them for their cowardice.

Do this in memory of me,

T. Francis