MoSneaky Fantasy Football Online Magazine » THE FANTASY MAN VOL. 2

THE FANTASY MAN VOL. 2 - The Fantasy Man Can

14 May, 2007 Humor / Oddity

Gail Dwyer III It’s time for another trip to Fantasy Land, friends. With the first week of NFL football in the history books, I figure it’s high time to weigh in on both the league and this thing of mine they call, “life.”

BERNARD DIED

Before we get to the pig skin, I thought I’d pass on some disturbing news. In my first article, I told y’all about my french bunkmate Bernard. Bernard and me lived the good life together for more than six years, so you can imagine my surprise when he was found dead in his bunk on September the 4th. I’m still in shock over the whole affair. I guess it’s true what they say about living life one month at a time. One moment you’re hanging with your best friend, smoking angel dust and doing hatchet tricks. Next thing you know, you’re cutting that same friend to pieces with the blunt end of a hatchet. Then, before you know it, you’re fighting back tears, trying to put them pieces back together again under the covers so it looks like he died in his sleep. Mysterious folks for different strokes they say.

FAN MAIL

Vince of Dover, DE writes:

Gail,
I consider myself quite the fantasy shark, and in turn take serious issue with your preseason draft guide leaflet. Seriously, I have never even heard of most of these players. What’s the deal?

Vince,
A player ain’t exactly a “sleeper” if everybody’s heard of him. Heck, that’s why you pay good money for the Gail-Guide. As for this “fantasy shark” business, I can’t say I’ve ever heard of it, but if it’s based on drafting various animals at the Sea World, put me down for “Shamu” with my first pick. LOL!

Debra of Cheyenne, WY writes:

Gail,
As a first time fantasy player, I recently used your draft guide to draft my very first fantasy team. Unfortunately, the website our league uses has no listing for either RB LADANIAN BOSWORTH or QB JAYPEE LOSMINSON. I also can’t seem to find the HOUSTON PHILLIES defense. Is it possible there were some serious typos in the Gail-Guide?

Debra,
Thanks for using the draft guide. As you probably know, Bosworth and Losminson both topped my DEEP SLEEPER positional rankings for the 2006 season, so I assure you those aren’t typos. I’m quite impressed you were able to draft both of them onto your team. What is this, a four team league? LOL!!! Anyways, you should look for another website. Any fantasy site that considers itself a legitimate league management tool would have the mighty HOUSTON PHILLIES defense ranked first in the NFC LEFT division.

GAIL’S PIX

Being as I haven’t donned my fantasy side, I thought I’d kick it with the shrewdness and give y’all a healthy helping of week 2 deep sleepers. Get ‘em before they’re hot.

Larry Fitzsimmons, WR, Phoenix Cardinal - Take a peek under “F” on the waiver wire and acquire this sleeping beast before it’s too late. Saint Louis Cardinal fans will agree, he’s the best wideout this side of Randy Tomlinson. Studs like these don’t come cheap, and with Marty Warner tossing the ball around, Fitzsimmons will go insane in the cerebellum come Sunday.

Brett Starr, QB, Green Bay Packers - Let the naysayers have their crow on Monday with a heaping helping of the ageless wonder, Brett Starr. Say what you will about his accuracy, the man knows how to find his targets on the grassy hardwood. Speaking of targets, with guys like Minnie Driver, Robert Furlong, and newcomer Ken Jennings in the mix, I’m pretty certain the Wolfpack’s O is in fine shape in the hands of Starr. Start him with confidence over every other QB out there, including the overrated Danny Manning.

Reuben Sierra, RB, Cleveland Bengal - Super Sleeper Alert! After a dismal showing in week 1, Sierra owners will be looking to dump this specimen on the cheap. Seller Beware! Sierra was held to 27 yards last week against the Saints, but a closer look at the numbers reveals that he did this on ONLY 11 CARRIES! Word from my Indians insider states that head coach Romeo Parcells plans on increasing Sierra’s touches this week. It don’t exactly take a math major to figure out what that means:
week 1 - 11 carries for 27 yards
week 2 - 44 carries for 108 yards.
An absolute must start.

AVOID THE FOLLOWING PLAYERS

Donte McNabb, QB, Philadelphia Eagles - Eagles coach Joe Holmgren’s been mum on a potentially season ending injury to starting TE G.E. Smith, and with newcomer Hank Gathers still fighting a bad case of the butterfingers, you have to figure McNabb’s in for a long day on the mound.

Clifton Portis, RB, Washington Seahawks - Injury alert! Ole Mark Rypien will have his hands full with the loss of top running back Portis this Sunday. Good news for Ladanian Bettis owners, bad news for everybody else. Newcomer Ozzie Branch is an intriguing WR reach for deeper leagues that award points for receptions, yardage, and balks. Just don’t tell that to O.J. Feely!

Marvin “Snoop” Harrison, WR, Baltimore Colts - Orioles TE coach Rusty Van Wetzinga can’t be pleased with the week 1 play of TE Snoop Harrison. Insiders tell me that Snoop’s inability to get open along the perimeter has head coach Herm Edwards ready to pull the plug on this gifted workhorse. Maybe trading Edgerrin Charles to the desert wasn’t such a hot idea afterall, hey coach? JJ Stokely moves up the Gailometer in CPR leagues.

Mike Bell, RB, Denver Broncos - Looks like Broncos coach Mike Sherman is up to his old Shanahanigans again! Just when you thought newcomer Mike Bell had supplanted the gifted Terrell Bell, Sherman changes gears again and anoints Tatum O’Neil the starter. Can you say running back by conspiracy? Wali Bell owners should take note and consider dropping him in favor of 3rd down back Arsenio Bell, who should see some passes near the goal line, courtesy of QB Jake “Ricky the Dragon Steamboat” Plummer.
And Also With You,
Gail Dwyer III